Author Archive

My owners have seen fit to move me over to this location

Thanks for the memories WP.

Keep watching your screens

Misanthropic Ficus



I debated whether to continue this series of observations on ‘Dair’. It’s relevance is seemingly waning.  It’s like having a column entitled ‘Osama Watch’ dedicated to tracking the bearded one’s every move. It’s difficult to ‘watch’ something which may or may not exist.

But where there is life there is hope…and where there is Gossip Girl, there is Serena being a hypocritical, annoying #$%^&.

Anyway, this episode saw the return of the French Prince, shoe in tow, clambering for a reconnection with Blair. Dan admitted to Charlie, another irritating member of the Rhodes clan, that he more or less has feelings for Blair.Blair and Dan kissed again, though this time as a disingenuous ploy the fool the foolish Prince’s porter. You’ve watched it, so you know what I mean.

It was interesting that we didn’t see the kiss, further adding credence to my belief that the romanticism simmering a few episodes ago has truly subsided (at least temporarily).

Charlie, the re-emergence of Vanessa and the Prince have also complicated the land of Dair-dom.

Will Dan pursue Blair, so obviously trying to conceal his true feelings? Will Blair forgo her ambitions to join the ranks of the hereditary elites and go get some Humphrey? Maybe.

I’m hoping for a grand romantic gesture on Dan’s behalf, possibly assisted by the possibly insane Charlie.

Or it all may just disappear, as quickly as it came and went. Like a candle in the wind.

Until next time

XOXO Ficus

My owners have seen fit to move me over to this location

Admittedly, a rather late recap given that the proceeding episode has already aired. But such is my feeling of malaise induced by the non-dairing writers of GG. It appears, ‘Dair Watch’ has lost it’s raison detre .

Does ‘Dair’ still exist? It would appear not, owing to Blair’s admission that the kiss was a mere reminder of her love for Chuck. On the other hand, it aroused in Dan feelings he would rather not canvass to the wider public. Yet, it takes two to tango right?

Did Dair ever exist? Or was it just a concept we engineered in our collective minds, desperate for Gossip Girl to avoid the failings of similar soap-dramas which become stale with the constant on-off romantic duos?

I believe there was certainly something. I never believed it was permanent, but it was a fun ride. It reinvigorated not only the story, but the characters and also resulted in some fine scenes between Meester and Badgley.

The impact on Blair is probably the most profound, at least in the short term. Dan seemed to help her uncover who she really was, beyond the shrill and skilled Machiavellian manipulator of the social scene.

But alas, the status quo is slowly returning, as the Chair freaks whip themslves into a lather over a truly despicable romantic concept, built on the worst aspects of human nature.

An Artist's impression of The Blair-Chuck Relationship

I guess this is what Alexis De Tocqueville meant by the ‘Tyranny of the Majority’. This, or something far more relevant.

Keep watching your screens

Misanthropic Ficus

PS. It was this.

In a truly devastating and heartbreaking development, it has been revealed that Robert Sheehan, aka Nathan from Misfits. will no longer be a part of Britain’s favourite gang of delinquents.

I find the rather muted response from media outlets and fans alike as rather treacherous. Sheehan was not only the humour so critical to the success of the show’s compelling 2 season run, but also the most enigmatic and talented performer amongst a strong cast.

I don’t blame the show’s producers, Sheehan wishes to expand his presence in film, where no doubt he sees a prosperous future.

We will get to see him grace the Misfits stage for an online webi-sode that will explain his departure.

Yet, from a fan of the show’s perspective, one has to wonder how Misfits can survive in the post-Nathan era. …

Never fear, Rudy will be there: Rudy can’t fail. Wait, who’s Rudy?

He’ll be a new super-charged character…

Just plonk a dufus named ‘Rudy’ in the void and all will be well.  He’ll turn a few tricks and the discontent amongst the causal johns will dissipate. The Ficus’ fury, on the other hand, will endure.

Worst case scenario is that the Rud-ster will be so highly derivative of Nathan that he’s like a cheap knock-off from Chinatown. Conversely, he’ll be a character named Rudy, slightly gimpish in his sincerity, scratching his nether-regions as he attempts to find a way into our hearts.

Either way, he aint no Nathan.

I wish Robert all the best; thanks for the laughs and the memories. To Rudy, as of now uncast, I say: You can’t fix a broken heart, no matter how big your tool, you super-charged fool.

A forlorn Misanthropic Ficus

Source: The Press Association

My owners have seen fit to move me over to this location

Like being spoiled? Like watching the first 14 minutes of an episode you won’t see for another week or two? If so, click here. I refuse to watch it myself.


Misanthropic Ficus

It is now certain that the much anticipated return of the 5th season of AMC’s Mad Men will not be until 2012 (at least). The reason: the almighty dollar. It appears that the network has greenlit the return of its critically adorned hit, but with some interesting conditions. The show’s creator will be forced to ‘cull’ two characters a season for the next 3 seasons. Hmmm…interesting. I don’t know about you but this seems a little ridiculous. It’s almost as if AMC is conveniently forgetting the role Mad Men played in the network’s rise to acclaim. The Network Execs are like “Screw them, we still have Breaking Bad, Rubicon and the Walking Dead”. If loyalty and a lust to produce quality programming isn’t sufficient, how about a reality check. Breaking Bad may be one of the greatest shows on TV, but TWD and Rubicon are fairly mediocre. TWD especially is less than captivating viewing.  ‘Crap’ I called it. A Mad Men-less AMC schedule certainly devalues the overall quality of the network.

However, if creator Matthew Wiener does agree to the gradual assassination of our beloved friends I have a solution for him: Lung cancer.

Who will be the first to die?

Keep Watching Your Screens

Misanthropic Ficus

Update: A deal has now been reached for the next 2 seasons, with the likelihood of a 3rd. The 5th season will premiere in March 2012. The episodes will be slightly shorter and feature more product placement.

My owners have seen fit to move me over to this location

Vote for this truly stunning, evocative and hilarious piece of political, historical and social satire and you could win $2000!


Vote Here.

The spawn of Monty Burns and ET?

Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes now. Geez, that was bad. This was a series which felt as if it had only just begun. It was fall of undefined characters and undeveloped relationships and Franky. Oh Franky, ‘don’t label me’ Franky. The post-label, post-sexual, post-gender, pre-human Franky. It’s as if the writers remembered the joy of having an enigmatic and ambiguous talent in ‘Effy’ and decided to replicate her…but something went horribly wrong…and Franky was born!

There were a couple of standout episodes, although looking back now I like Rich’s episode less and less. Nick was the most interesting character, he underwent serious transformation and I imagine next season we’ll see him rise like a phoenix from the ashes of his former skin.

But overall it was all too familiar, all too ‘Skins-Lite’. There was too much melodrama (ficus-off wedding). The characters just seemed to hover on the edge of oblivion. Sure, previous Skins generations did a lot of drugs. But it was interspersed with meaningful connections…and…and…JJ.

Moreover, the humour at the start of the series quickly dissipated. Usually this doesn’t occur until the second series of each generation. This doesn’t bode well.

In conclusion,  the acting was fairly ordinary, the characters were deformed clones, the stories stale and seemingly inconsequential.

Skins may be dead friends.

But hey, it’s still better than the American travesty, right?

And the Brits still have Misfits.

Until next time

Keep watching your screens

A Misanthropic Ficus


My owners have seen fit to move me over to this location

Community, Parks and Recreation and the leader-less, rudder-less ‘The Office’ have all been renewed through 2011-2012. Community continues to be the most ambitious and intelligent comedy on television. Parks has continued to grow from it’s rather mediocre debut season, though one wonders about the overall direction of the show given that arcs to date have been rather insignificant.

The Office will be without Steve Carell. It’s fairly stale and humourless with him so it’s difficult to see if it can get any worse. I’m sure you’ll all tune in to find out. I know I will.


Keep Watching Your Screens

A Buoyant Ficus


Source: The Hollywood Reporter

Today, I continue my look at the problems with Glee. It isn’t, perhaps, the most ideal time to post this given the rather excellent (in season 2 terms) episode that aired this past week. Indeed, keep a look out in the coming days or week for my analysis of my new favourite romantic couple on TV: Britana (Britney + Santana)

Regardless, here is the second problem with Glee, an issue which I do not foresee being remedied any time…well until the series is eventually cancelled in 2016 due to Will’s hair being deemed unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. I’m with you Sue…

2.      Theme episodes


Rewind to season 1. They have a Madonna themed episode. Fine I say: Musical icon, symbol of women’s liberation from the yoke of patriarchy. Season 2, a Britney spears themed episode. Ficus-off I say. I literally had to fast-forward through much of this episode. 4 songs in 10 minutes: check. ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’… I screamed as I gouged my metaphorical ears out with my neglected branches, sap running down my roots. Ridiculous and illogical Britney Spears guest appearance. Check. Although it was nice to see the character ‘Britney’ gain some air time.

Then came the Rocky Horror tribute. It may have been the greatest Rocky Horror tribute ever. I haven’t seen the film so the convoluted winks and nods were all but indecipherable to me. Given the shows demographic I found it hard to believe many knew what the ficus was going on. There was one transsexual too many if you ask me.

I understand it is a musical-comedy which lends itself to musical tributes. But, as everything with Glee, the writers aren’t content with doing it once. They will squeeze that lemon until there is nothing left. Didn’t they realise it was fairly sour the first time?

Until next time

Keep watching your screens

That’s how the Ficus Sees it…

My owners have seen fit to move me over to this location